Giant-Fund-Me Page of Ildor the Hill Giant
By Conan Kmiecik
Giantfolk, please help! Me Ildor tell a very sad story.
Husband and me hunt in mountain. Husband Molos. Him strong hunter. Him wear wyvern skin. Me so love him. Me heavy with his child. 21 moons me carry baby.
Suddenly, me feel baby pain. Baby should come 22 moons, but baby come early. What us do, Molos?
Molos know cave. Old dwarf cave. Him stay in cave with him father Solos. Them hunt wyvern when Molos 10 winters. Old dwarf cave empty. Dwarves leave many winters ago.
Molos lead me to cave. Me cry in baby pain. Me can feel baby coming. No time to make birth bed. Baby must come old hill way.
Suddenly, Molos see cave but him hear sounds. Goblins! Old goblin and goblin warriors. Them stop us. No enter, Ildor and Molos!
Goblins, Molos say, please let me wife Ildor use cave! Me trade you wyvern meat!
Old goblin say, no. Us goblin no need your meat! Ildor and Molos go!
Husband Molos patient giant. Me Ildor no patient. Me grab old goblin and enter cave. Me baby about to come old hill way. Goblin warriors then fight with Molos.
Me carry old goblin in cave. Me cry in baby pain. Old goblin cry in pain. Me angry at old goblin, but me no want to kill him, me no want to eat goblin. Molos and me eat humanoid free. Us only eat creatures. Us socially aware new giants, no humanoid eating savage old giants!
But me enter cave and see many goblin warriors. So many eyes like stars in night sky. Them cry in anger. Me cry in baby pain and battle anger. Goblins attack me. Me fight back. Me now want to kill all goblins. Them hurt me and me baby.
Me fight goblins. Then me see goblin warrior enter cave. What happened to husband? Molos him follow full of battle anger. But goblins them swarm Molos. Him fall to ground. Him cry, Ildor, me wife! You fight! You save me baby Zumrus. Then Molos die.
Me cry now in heart pain and baby pain. Molos me husband for three winters. Him good husband. Him fight other giants and make me him wife. Him hunt wyvern, feed us and trade with giants. [Note: hill giants do not believe in the serial comma.] Him good giant man. Now Molos him silent like rocks, and all me have is name for me baby. But me baby might die with me!
No matter. Me father Goxag mighty giant, and me like Goxag. Me prepare to die fighting, to make cave wet with goblin blood.
Me cry in heart pain, baby pain and battle anger. But goblins slowly killing me. Me and me baby about to join Molos in endless mountain.
Suddenly, me see humanoids enter cave. Them warriors. Me feel me life come back.
Me see goblins cut in pieces like wyvern prey. Goblins still attack me. But then me feel a magic wall around me. Goblins no can attack me, me no can attack goblins. Me feel more life come back. Me see dark elf at cave entrance. Him mage.
Me am safe for now. Me battle anger fades, but me baby pain becomes more. Me also sees Molos him dead eyes and me heart pain becomes more.
Humanoid warriors kill goblins. Goblins run from cave like rats from burning nest. Me will no eat goblins, but me will kill all goblins for them kill me husband Molos, father of me baby.
Then all goblins gone, and me baby come old hill way. Dark elf mage catch me baby. Me baby pain fades, and me only feel happy. Though Molos dead, him son Zumrus will live.
Giantfolk, please help. Me need baubles and gewgaws for funeral of me husband Molos. Me need pelts and coats for me son Zumrus as him grows. Me and Zumrus need meats for meals, but remember me eat humanoid free, no meat that speaks! Any donations no used for funeral, clothing Zumrus or feeding me and me baby will be saved for Zumrus man ritual when him 10 winters.
Vrumsor bless.